Outback's Turnaround Plan: More Like a Slow-Motion Train Wreck

Alright, so Outback Steakhouse is closing 21 locations. Twenty-one. And another 22 are slated to bite the dust in the next four years. This is a turnaround plan? Sounds more like a last gasp to me. Bloomin' Brands, their parent company, is throwing $75 million at this… thing. But let's be real, is it really going to work?

The "New" Outback: Lipstick on a Kangaroo?

Brighter interiors? Smaller kitchens? Bigger order pickup stations? Give me a break. This ain't about decor or kitchen size; it's about relevance. In a world where LongHorn and Texas Roadhouse are actually growing, Outback's fiddling with the wallpaper. Are they seriously thinking that a fresh coat of paint will bring back the glory days of 2011 when they had 775 locations? Now they're limping along with 650 and shrinking. Outback Steakhouse Has Suddenly Closed 21 Restaurants — Here's What To Know - The Takeout

And the menu? "Better-quality steaks and more attentive service." Okay, so the previous steaks were… worse? And the service was intentionally bad before? What kind of BS is that?

It's like when Blockbuster tried to compete with Netflix by adding vending machines. Like that was ever going to work.

The $75 Million Question

Seventy-five million bucks. That's a lot of dough to spend on what sounds like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. I'm not an expert, offcourse, but seems to me they're missing the point entirely.

What is the point, anyway? Are they trying to appeal to a new generation? Good luck with that. Gen Z ain't exactly clamoring for Bloomin' Onions. Are they trying to win back the old crowd? Maybe. But those folks are probably eating early bird specials at the local diner these days, not dropping serious cash on a steak chain.

And what about the employees? Twenty-one locations shuttered means a whole lot of people out of work, right before the holidays no less. But hey, at least the shareholders will be happy, right?

Or will they?

The Road Ahead: Paved with Good Intentions?

So, by the end of 2028, the surviving Outbacks will be all shiny and new. But will they be better? Will they be relevant? I honestly don't see it. The restaurant landscape has changed, and Outback seems stuck in amber.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe they'll pull a rabbit out of their hat. But I doubt it. This whole thing feels… forced. Like a desperate attempt to revive a brand that's past its prime.

Then again, maybe I'm just a cynical jerk.

This Turnaround Ain't Gonna Turn Around Anything